He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
