Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Randomize
