Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I just threw up on my dentist
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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