What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize