I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
