Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
this just has baby written all over it
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Randomize
