but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
