Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize