I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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