It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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