their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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