There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
