also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
