What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
