Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Randomize
