It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Randomize
