I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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