she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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