Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
