why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
