tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Randomize
