If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
