i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Randomize
