While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
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