i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
