I'm really into asian looking animals
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
