It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
