BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
