I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Randomize
