A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
