Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
