I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
