Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
