how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
