Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
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