Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
