2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
