i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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