I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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