The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
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