eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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