you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
