True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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