The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
