I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
