All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
