Soap is not a condiment
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
