i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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