It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
