I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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