Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
