Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize