A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Randomize