Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Randomize
