I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
