Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
