david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
bring money and cleavage
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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