I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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