And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I'm jealous of your bromance
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
