I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
smell my finger.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
