I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
