Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
jump out the window naked night went bad
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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