watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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