How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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