come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
