So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize
