So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
