i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
