community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
